There is a legend about androgens. Originally
men and women were combined into one body. One side was man and the other side
was woman. Each person had two faces, four arms and four legs and two
sets of genitals.
They were very powerful and vigorous and made threatening attacks on the gods. As punishment for their rebellion, Zeus ordered that the androgynous people be split in two. A lightning passed between them and they were separated. The part with male characters became man and the part with female characters became woman. He condemned them to spend their lives in search of the other halves. As a result, the soul of androgynous person experienced a terrible loss and sought to reunite with his lost half to become whole again. This longing for a missing part and to be whole again is materialized in marriage.
They were very powerful and vigorous and made threatening attacks on the gods. As punishment for their rebellion, Zeus ordered that the androgynous people be split in two. A lightning passed between them and they were separated. The part with male characters became man and the part with female characters became woman. He condemned them to spend their lives in search of the other halves. As a result, the soul of androgynous person experienced a terrible loss and sought to reunite with his lost half to become whole again. This longing for a missing part and to be whole again is materialized in marriage.
The Biblical writer reflecting about the
irresistible longing of man for woman and woman for man expresses it in the
creation account in the Book of Genesis.
In the beginning, when
God created the universe, the earth was formless and desolate.
The raging ocean that covered everything was engulfed in total darkness, and
the Spirit of God was moving over the water. On the first five days, God
created the plants on the earth, fish in the waters, living things on the earth
and birds in the sky. And finally on the sixth day “And now we will make human
beings; they will be like us and resemble us. Then the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground, and
breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living
being. And the Lord God planted a garden in Eden, in the east;
and there he put the man whom he had formed. (Gen. 1)
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man
should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” So
out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every
bird of the air, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them;
and whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The
man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the air, and to every beast
of the field; but for the man there was not found a helper fit for him. So
the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the
man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with
flesh; and the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a
woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my
bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.”
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.”
Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and
cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh. (Gen 2:5-24)
The reflections of early man about marriage and
the account of the Biblical writer tell us how important marriage is. It is a
union instituted by the creator himself. Therefore it has to be held sacred and
revered.
Marriage in the
Catholic Church, also called matrimony, is the "covenant by
which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole
of life and which is ordered by its nature to the good of the spouses and the
procreation and education of offspring", and which "has been raised
by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament between the baptized.
The Catechism
of the Catholic Church states: "The intimate community of life and love
which constitutes the married state has been established by the Creator and
endowed by him with its own proper laws. . . . God himself is the author of
marriage. The vocation to marriage is written in the very nature of man and
woman as they came from the hand of the Creator. Marriage is not a purely human
institution despite the many variations it may have undergone through the
centuries in different cultures, social structures, and spiritual attitudes.
These differences should not cause us to forget its common and permanent
characteristics.
It also says: "The Church attaches great
importance to Jesus' presence at the wedding at Cana. She sees in it the
confirmation of the goodness of marriage and the proclamation that thenceforth
marriage will be an efficacious sign of Christ's presence. In his preaching
Jesus unequivocally taught the original meaning of the union of man and woman
as the Creator willed it from the beginning.
A good marriage is a mystery on many different levels. The
Apostle Paul writes of the profound nature of marriage in Ephesians 5. In verse
32, Paul wraps up his treatment of marriage by writing, “This is a
profound mystery — but I am talking about Christ and the church.”
It is very clear from the teachings of the
church that marriage has personal and social implications. At the personal
level marriage should take place in three levels in every individual -
Physical, mental and spiritual levels. In other words marriage is a union
between two bodies, two minds and two spirits.
First of all marriage is a union of two
bodies. Then the Lord God
said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper
fit for him.” And God made the woman out of his rib. So when Adam saw his wife
he exclaimed,
“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.”
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.”
Therefore during the marriage ceremony every man
and woman takes the oath in the presence of a large community with the burning
altar lamps as witness
"I, ______, take you, ______, for
my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better,
for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us
part."
It is a vow make for ever to last till
the end of life. But just reflect back is it kept so sacred in our communities.
At the
cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding
ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong
man.'
This is
the though being cherished by many. Marriage is a covenant between two
independent individuals. Therefore, it requires a lot of adjustment, tolerance
and understanding. When people fail to maintain this adjustment these thoughts
will begin to eat up their relationship.
After a quarrel,
a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.' The
husband replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.'
We find
many heroic examples in our society where couple keeps up the nobility of this
union. They uphold the vow they had taken at the altar.
Kaley’s
husband was diagnosed with cancer. They were in great confusion as how to
overcome it. But Kaley discovered the power of her
loving presence during her husband’s rigorous chemotherapy: “I remember what he
liked during the dog days of chemo: food, TV shows, and just my presence in his
hospital room at the most challenging moments. It was not pretty, and it was
not perfect. I wasn’t super wife. I was me, and I was at his side.”
In
the face of adversity, sometimes it’s not complex heroic actions that are
needed to live out our vows, but personal, loving, reassuring presence.
That
is the meaning of Adam’s words:
“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
and flesh of my flesh;
But
we also find the other extremes. Wife deserting husband and husband deserting
wife when they need each other most.
Secondly, Marriage is
a union between two minds. Two individuals with different educational back
ground, with different interests, with different hobbies, with different food
habits come together with a decision to live together. Till a few years ago the
father of the family did the thinking for the whole family. He made the
decisions and communicated to the rest of the members. Now it is changed.
Everyone thinks independently. Therefore there should be great understanding in
the family to maintain equilibrium.
A few years ago we
used to see wife holding the hand of the husband and walk behind him to cross a
dangerous road. Now if we observe, we will see wife drags the husband behind
and crosses the road. Benjamin Franklin’s advice for successful marriage is:
“Keep your eyes wide open before the wedding, half shut afterwards.” This
adjustment is required to make the marriage a successful one. So St. Paul wrote,
“With all humility and gentleness, with
patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the
Spirit in the bond of peace." (Eph. 4:2-3).
If this unity is
affected family will become intolerable. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds:
'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the
same thing: 'You can have mine.'
An old lady gets caught shoplifting. On
court day the lady and her husband who goes with her stands before the judge
and he says to her, "Why did you shoplift?" And she says "I was
hungry." The judge says "What did you take?" She replies,
"A can of peaches." So the judge trying to figure out how to punish
her says, "How many peaches where in the can?" The lady says
"6" so the judge says ok then 1 day per peach in jail that will be 6 days’
time served. The judge says would anyone like to say anything and her husband
says your honor, "She stole a can of peas too"
For a happy and
successful life you should be aware of some of the differences between the
thought of man and woman.
1. Women remember everything, and doubt every one.
Women have a larger hippocampus. This is where we store memories. This is why women can recall every
single word of an argument from 5 years ago.
Once Adam stayed out late a few nights, Eve became suspicious.
“You’re running around with another woman— admit it!” she demanded.
“What other woman?” Adam shot back. “You’re it!”
“You’re running around with another woman— admit it!” she demanded.
“What other woman?” Adam shot back. “You’re it!”
That night, Adam was fast asleep when he
was awakened by Eve poking him in the chest.
“What are you doing?”
“What are you doing?”
“Counting your ribs.”
2. Women feel, while men use logic.
Men take a more fact-based approach to their environment, often
scanning for threats and challenges.
Women tend to take a more intuitive approach because they perceive
people and events more deeply and with greater memory capacity.
Someone
has given a tip for a successful marriage, to be
happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be
happy with a woman, you must love her a lot, and not try to understand her at
all.
3. Women problem solve
differently.
Men tend to converge in their thinking. They define and clarify
the problem and begin by eliminating and isolating issues.
Women often will define the problem in broader terms and examine a
wider array of potential factors before going into solution mode.
This is why women want to talk out problems and men want to dive
right into solving them.
4. Men and women in conflict
Men tend to depersonalize and externalize issues or problems,
giving them time to think through solutions, often in solitude.
A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their
50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye
and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful
years together. He replies, 'No, I was thinking about the time before our
wedding. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown
in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a
free man!'
Women tend to personalize and are more inclined to talk through
the issue to reach understanding.
St Paul gives a
single remedy. “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all
together in perfect unity."(Col. 3:14).
"Who can find a
virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies."(Proverbs 31:10)
Thirdly,
Marriage is a union of two individuals at the spiritual level.
Marriage
between man and woman is for the purpose of each partner helping to uplift the
other in a commitment of divine friendship, love, and loyalty that will move
both souls closer to their true nature. Song of Solomon writes about love. “Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot
wash it away.”(Song of Solomon 8:7).
Two persons who unite
their lives to help each other toward divine realization are founding their
marriage on the right basis: unconditional friendship. Woman is motivated
primarily by feeling, and man by reason; marriage is meant to balance these
qualities.
The writer of Proverbs
wonders at this. “There are three things that amaze me—no, four things that I
don't understand: how an eagle glides through the sky, how a snake slithers on
a rock, how a ship navigates the ocean, how a man loves a woman." (Proverbs 30:18-19).
In the bible we have
reference to three saint couples, Virgin Mary and St Joseph – the parents of
Jesus. They knew how to be faithful to God’s plan. The Holy family shows us
everything that a family should be – love, generosity and self-sacrifice. We see another couple saint Zachary and
Elizabeth. They were the parents of John the Baptist. The third is Saint
Joachim and Anne, the parents of mother Mary.
The first married couple to be canonized together
were St. Louis and Zelie Martin, the parents of Little Flower. Both wanted to join religious orders, but God
had bigger and better plans for them. Their life was a true testimony of ideal
marriage.
St. Gregory Nazianzen
and Nonna were the parents of
three saints: St Georgiana, St. Caesarius and St. Gregory of Nazianus.
Saint Vincent and Waldetrudis were parents of four saints: St Landericus,
St. Madalberta, St. Adeltrudis and St. Dentelin.
Saint Aquila and
Priscilla hosted St. Paul on his visit to Corinth. According to the legend they
were martyred in Rome. Saint Isidore and Maria are the
patron saints of farmers. Another couple saints is St. Gordianus and Silvia,
parents of Pope St. Gregory.
These are just a few
examples of the countless beautiful couples that have helped each other to
Heaven. Perhaps you know of a couple (e.g. your parents, grandparents, etc.)
that also exude those qualities you’re looking for in your own relationship.
Look to them for examples of what a true, selfless, giving relationship and
marriage is like; one that glorifies the vocation and God.
Praying together as a couple and
praying individually for your spouse is one of the most powerful weapons you
have for building intimacy in your marriage.
Finally marriage has
also a social dimension. It is a union of two families.
A zealous, energetic bishop
discovered a tribe of Eskimos in the Yukon who
had never recorded a baptism, confirmation or
marriage. The bishop soon rectified the situation by
running around baptizing and confirming everyone.
He
also grabbed every beaming couple that walked by on the street
and married them on the spot...
Later,
the tribal chief told the Bishop the tribe had never had so much fun. The
bishop asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most.
"We like marriages,"
the chief said, smiling. "All got new
wives!"
Two individuals who
lived in two families with different cultures, religious values and traditions
come together. It becomes a union of two families. As the diversity is more the
challenges also will be greater.
Today, marriages suffer from many wounds: power
struggles, abusive situations, emotional distance, selfishness, immaturity and
addictions are some of the more easily identifiable aspects of a wounded
relationship. Many marriages, however, often suffer from something far less
easily recognized: a profound ignorance of the very nature of marriage itself.
That is, couples understand neither what marriage truly is nor what it
represents eternally. Without this deeper, intrinsic understanding of the
marital union, these relationships labor under low standards and mistaken
expectations. Hence, couples file divorce cases for little things that can be sorted out
with an open dialogue. It is the role of the church and the elders to help one
another to build up strong relationship
Jesus was very clear
in his teachings when he spoke of marriage union. “Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the
Jordan. Again crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught
them. Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to
divorce his wife?” “What did Moses command you?” he replied. They said,
“Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her
away.” “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this
law,” Jesus replied. “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male
and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and
be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they
are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let
no one separate.” (Mark 10:1-9)
The Catholic Church also has requirements
before Catholics can be considered validly married in the eyes of the Church. A
valid Catholic marriage results from four elements: (1) the spouses are free to
marry; (2) they freely exchange their consent; (3) in consenting to marry, they
have the intention to marry for life, to be faithful to one another and be open
to children; and (4) their consent is given in the canonical form, i.e., in the
presence of two witnesses and before a properly authorized church minister.
A marriage to be successful the commitment that
is made at the altar on the wedding day should be renewed every day during
every difficult moment in life. The commitment made in the church as God and
the community as witness should be renewed constantly. Repeat it every day.
Repeat it when you encounter difficulties. Repeat it when challenges come on
your way.
"I take you for my spouse, for
better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death
do us part."
Once it is done no evil force on earth
will have the power to weaken your bond. Like Adam you will be able to declare,
“This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
and flesh of my flesh;
And what God has joined together, no one
can separate.
May God bless you.
Satish